- Intuition
Suspecting that something is up is often the first sign for many women. Admittedly intuition is not a particular thing that your man is actually doing, but you know that something doesn’t feel quite kosher - often you have noticed some of the other signs subconsciously.
The good: It’s possible your intuition could be wrong. Do the two of you communicate well? Perhaps he is going through some sort of stressful event.
The bad: Hunches have been proved to be correct more often than not. If instinct is telling you that he could be up to no good, then keep your eyes and ears peeled for some of the other signs.
- Sudden Increase in Attention
He is suddenly more interested in you than normal. Maybe buying presents for you unexpectedly or starts helping you to take care of the children more than usual. He may even start doing more around the house, vacuuming, washing dishes, or those nagging jobs that have been left unfinished forever.
The good: Have you been going through a bad spot lately? Your man could have decided to make more of an effort in order to make things right - positive thinking is important in marriages.
The bad: He is feeling guilty and wants to make up for the fact that he’s been having an affair. This sort of thing often happens in the early stages of an affair.
- Electronic Communications
Technology has enabled people to communicate so effectively, this not only means that it is easier to have an affair, but there are also many more places to be caught out. You may discover that your man has email accounts you never even knew existed, or that he has two phones and you only know one number.
Another sign is when he starts taking calls and walking out of the room, possibly telling you it’s work, and begins to act defensive when you get near his mobile phone.
The good: His work has put him on call when he’s at home, given him a company phone and your man doesn’t want to interrupt anything that’s going on or perhaps doesn’t want background noise while on the phone.
The bad: His fling is sending him texts or emails while you are with him and he’s trying to cover them up. Be very careful if you choose to snoop because if there really is nothing going on then it could make you look really bad.
- Poor communication
This is almost the total opposite of him being overly interested in you. He might have completely lost interest in what you have been up to during the day, doesn’t kiss or hug you very often or has stopped saying that he loves you or, at least like he means it.
The good: He could just be under high pressure at work or could he be depressed? Often this could explain mood swings or lack of interest and it’s possible he won’t realize why he is suffering.
The bad: If he starts becoming less interested in you and your feelings, then it’s often a strong indication that he’s getting his emotional feedback somewhere else. When the kissing stops in a relationship, it’s often seen as a huge warning sign.
- Sex is better than ever
You man is suddenly absolutely amazing in bed. He’s a new man, it’s like when you first met, or better. Maybe new foreplay techniques, or a new sex position you have never even heard of let alone engaged in with your man.
The good: It’s possible he’s doing some research and has and discovered some new sex tips and thought he would try to spice things up a little at home. You couldn’t possibly complain about that!
The bad: It could be that he’s learning new tricks in bed with his mistress and is suddenly feeling like he is the stud.
- Acts defensively
You ask him a question and he acts very defensive. Even simple statements like ‘wow, that sure took a long time’ make him very jumpy.
The good: There is always the possibility that he could be planning something special for the two of you or perhaps shopping for a special gift for you.
The bad: He knows that he’s guilty of something and can’t quite figure out how to respond to questions that could reveal his affair.
- Friends start talking
Not necessarily something he’s done but friends and family could begin to notice something is a little off and start asking questions.
The good: You are going through some hard times and you feel a little edgy with company.
The bad: If more than one of your friends notices changes and starts asking questions about your relationship it may be time to start thinking about it yourself. Sometimes it’s easier to see things when you are looking from outside the box.
- Changed interests
Has your man began listening to new music, buying new clothes or suddenly expanding his horizons culturally?
The good: There is a possibility that he’s going through some sort of mid life thing. He may just be feeling a little old and wants to rejuvenate himself with fresh things.
The bad: His mistress could be introducing new things to him. You know how it is. You start hanging out with new people and you pick up new things.
- Projecting that you are the cheater
He asks if you are cheating on him or makes accusations that you are.
The good: It’s possible that if the two of you are going through a rough spell in life and are having some difficulties that he may wonder if you are.
The bad: It’s very common for people who are cheating to accuse their partners of the same actions. I couldn’t remember the term for it at first but eventually it popped up in my head - projection.
Projection - The attribution of one’s own attitudes, feelings, or desires to someone or something as a naive or unconscious defense against anxiety or guilt.
- Things just aren’t making sense
Has his reliable old routine suddenly changed? Are there no obvious changes in his work schedule but he’s coming home late at night? Did a friend of his mention not seeing him for awhile when your man had told you he was out with that very friend just the other day?
The good: Things could be changing at work. In these economic times it’s possible they could be making cutbacks and he could be stuck with a ton of extra work.
The bad: Once someone starts to weave a web of lies, it becomes increasingly difficult to keep up with those lies, so when unexplainable things begin to happen or you notice inconsistencies, there could be something not very innocent as an explanation.
Remember, none of these signs offer proof by themselves that your man is cheating. They are all just simply indicators that you should pay attention to. Your next step is up to you but I would recommend paying a little more attention to the details if you have the feeling that your man is cheating.
susan | 
05 31st, 2008| 
